Monday, June 21, 2010

You're her wife? So you're married?

For some reason today was the day for dealing with people who just aren't super familiar with dealing with gay people. I started the day asking an out-of-towner how their weekend went. They had inadvertently stumbled onto the Portland Pride parade and had to do a lot of explaining to their teenage child. This gave me a giggle at first. I could just imagine running into a parade and stopping to watch then being mortified as your teen asked why someone in the parade was wearing nothing but leathers or perhaps had a dildo strapped onto the outside of their clothing. I chuckled a little and then, when I realized she was still horrified, reminded her that only a few of the groups marching in Pride wear things like that. Then she said, "I said to my family, 'Do married people dress like that?'" I quickly changed the subject.

I wanted to say, I'd like to march in Pride sometime. I'd like to have been at Pride, but I was sitting in the hospital with my wife this year. Do married people do that? I wanted to explain that I am gay and here I am all normal looking, I'm in a job where I dedicate myself to helping families with sick children and I've spent the last week busting my ass and worried sick making sure my wife has the best healthcare possible. That's what married people do.

I also spent several sessions listening to how part of the stress that has her hospitalized is from her frustration with the comments people make to her about how her marriage isn't real or she just hasn't met the right man....

Then this afternoon, as we were sitting down with another professional, I was asked, "Who are you? Are you a friend?" When I said, "I am her wife," the professional looked startled and then asked me, "So are you married?" I thought that's what "wife" meant.

I'll end on a positive note though. The rest of this past week I was treated as nothing other than a complete and 100% spouse by my wife's team. I was able to help make decisions and see that she got the best care possible. They were fantastic folks and I was so appreciative of being able to just do everything I could to help.

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